


For you, I...

by NumberM



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Gen, I still have no idea how to tag properly, Jing Ke's cute and you can't change my mind, Unrequited Love, i just think they're neat, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:35:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27138784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NumberM/pseuds/NumberM
Summary: During a festival that Jing Ke and Ritsuka attend, the Assassin ruminates on the kind of relationship she shares with her Master and how she fears her true feelings will never reach the last Master the only way she knows how; by drowning her sorrows in a profuse amount of alcohol and a wistful midnight conversation with a Master that shall never respond.
Relationships: (One sided) Fujimaru Ritsuka/Jing Ke | Assassin, Fujimaru Ritsuka/Mash Kyrielight | Shielder
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	For you, I...

Imperial China  
140 BCE  
Lantern Festival

A kind-faced man appeared on a hologram in front of me. The blue image muting his peach-colored hair and emerald eyes, making them an artificial sky-blue “Jing Ke?”

I’m roused out of my thoughts at the mention of my name. “Mm?” I look up from a small clay cup holding Baiju. The moon above reflected off of the alcohol, being disturbed by the slightest of movements. “Did you say something, Doctor?”

“I asked if you were enjoying the festival. Fujimaru had been looking forward to spending it with you, since you haven’t been on active duty for a while.”

“Really?” I smile as I can feel a light dusting of heat spread across my cheeks. “Master can act so childish sometimes.”

I see flashes of my time as Master’s Servant. From gazing at the charred Fuyuki skyline to prowling the foggy streets of London. The rolling hills of Rome to the fields of France. To think that one could keep their composure for so long while carrying the weight of the whole of Humanity’s history and future on her shoulders. My Master truly is one of the greatest people who will ever live.

“Yes,” I respond after feeling a hint of sadness, “While it’s not the land nor people I once knew, perhaps that is for the best. In my time there wasn’t time for festivities as grand as this.”

I pour some liquid onto the ground and knock back the rest, reveling silently in the feeling of burning that accompanied such an act. 

The Doctor smiles and lifts a cup of his own to his mouth, speaking after it disappeared out of frame. “I’m glad, we’re still running on rations over here, but as long as She gets to enjoy herself every once and awhile it’s all worth it. Speaking of Ritsuka, where is she? I would have figured she was going to stick to your side for the entire festival.”

“Master is checking out the food stalls, she should be back shortly.” I speak these next few worlds with a chuckle; “She has an appetite to rival even her most ravenous Servants.”

This elicits a laugh from the Doctor. “You got that right! Er- Don't let her know I agreed with you.”

“Your secret is safe with me, Doctor. Thank you for checking up on us.”

“Mm!” His crossed arms both disappear off the screen, “Tell Fujimaru to contact us sometime soon so we can discuss our plans, that and so she can say hello to Mash and Fou; they’ve been lonely.”

Those names stung more than they should, but I intended to bury those dark thoughts in the haze of drunkenness. I smiled once again towards the image of the Doctor. “I’ll do just that, see you soon Doctor.”

As the hologram flitted out of existence, my smile fell and I cast my eyes down to the empty cup. I felt a cold chill envelop my heart at the thought of Mater and Mash. Even the blind could see that those two were crazy for each other. They only ever travelled together, this excursion is the only time in recent memory that the Shielder had abstained from coming with Fujimaru. Was that out of consideration for myself, or some other purpose?

A depressed sigh escapes my lips as one hand feels around for a gourd of Baiju that was somewhere on a table to my left. I know I have no right feeling such a way about Master’s relationships, but…

“I sometimes wish Master would look at me the same way she looks at her..”

The door to Master and I’s shared room opens, and like speaking of the devil, Master Fujimaru stood, bathed in candle light from a shoddily built lantern in her right hand, with an animal skin sack carrying other goods in her left. “I’m home.”

The way she smiled as she spoke, Gods that smile, wamed her to deep as even her Core, casting away any darkness that had poisoned her. Her auburn hair and golden eyes have never failed to enrapture me, which was one of the things that hurt me so damn much.

“Welcome back,” I finally replied, “Master.”

After stepping over the threshold and closing the door, Master set the lantern aside and walked towards me, no doubt intending on offloading the things she has purchased onto the table. She spoke with a laid back tone. “Didn’t I tell you that when it’s just us that you can call me Gudako? There’s no need to be so formal all the time.”

“I’m sorry, I just can’t do that, Master,” I haven’t earned the right to, “I am your sworn Servant and must treat you as my Master always.”

A childish huff. “If you say so..” Opening the sack, Master began taking out several small wooden boxes. Each of them had a different smell than the last, but each one was no doubt food. Meat buns, tofu, dumplings and a few different types of meats. I let out a quiet giggle, Master really is a glutton.

“Are you enjoying the festival, Master?”

“Mhm!” Gudako nodded as she pulled out one final box. “It’s really fun! Some people even taught me how to build one of those lanterns!”

My gaze one again flicks to the lantern. “Don't they have festivals like this in Japan? You must have attended them a lot.”

“Nah, never really had much reason to. ‘Sides, all the lanterns are made in factories in my time. You'd just go to a store and buy them. Takes all the fun out of it.”

“I see.. Well, I’m glad you could experience something authentic.” I begin pouring more drink for myself, keeping in mind to not overfill it. As I set the gourd aside once again, Master holds the smallest box out to me.

“Here,” She speaks quietly, her tone almost begging me to accept the gift, “I found someone selling these earlier today, and I thought you’d like one, so…”

I take the box and pull the top off, Resting on a simple white cushion, sits an extremely ornate bamboo comb. The details were carved to perfection, each cut into the bamboo looking more beautiful than the last. 

“A comb..?” I look up at her face, she looks like she’s internally debating on if it’s even a good present. “Thank you, Master, I love it.”

I fold my hands over the comb and hold it to my chest.l “I shall treasure it always..”

Master exudes a loud sigh. “You really know how to keep me hanging, Jing Ke.. I was worrying if it was good enough the entire time I was walking around the city.”

“No, it’s a lovely gift, honest. My hair gets tangled easily and my old comb seems to be misplaced. You have a keen mind for what your Servants desire, Master.”

“Oh, now you’re just flattering me. Let's hurry up and eat before the food gets too cold.”

…

A little while after our meal, both Master and I are lying in bed, an event that would make more than a few of my fellow Servants more than a bit jealous. I wasn’t able to drink much so I’m still somewhat lucid, and the dark thoughts that Master blew away with her appearance began creeping back into my mind.

I roll over onto my side, facing Master’s back. Her hair was down, and even now the moonlight danced beautifully on her. Oh, how I wanted to reach out and embrace her and never let go…

But I couldn’t. I knew that. I’ll never be the one that she needs, that she wants. I’ve resigned myself to that fate. The one Gudako loves above all else is Mash, her first Servant. All the laughs that she has with me, all the meals we share and the stories we tell are only out of either obligation or friendship. While she may do things with me or for me out of “love” that love is only purely platonic, but how I wish that just for one day that that love was romantic.

… Mash must be the luckiest person, to be truly loved by such an amazing Master…

“Gudako…” I speak quietly, enough that it wouldn’t even disturb a mouse.

“There are many things which I wish to say to you, but I fear I shall never have the time nor the will. I wish I could tell you how utterly crazy you make me, how every idle thought of mine is filled with countless poems that I shall never get the chance to write to you. How I often wish for you to, just for a moment, look my way.. To be the only one in your heart would make me so happy the jubilation itself might send me back to the Throne of Heroes. Yet I understand that Miss Kyrielight is the Moon to your Sun, the two of you have such strong feelings for one another that nothing, not even divine intervention shall break them. And I…”

“I am fine with that..” I scoot closer to her warmth, the chilling feeling of my aching heart threatening to kill me. I shakily drape one arm around Gudako’s midsection, and slowly snake the other under her sleeping body.

“If you forever remember these words then I, like Mash, shall protect and fight for you no matter the cost..”

“One day I am no doubt going to be sent to undertake one final mission, one in which I shall never return. When you are there to see me off, please do not cry and wish for me to stay; for I will choose to undertake the mission as a testament to how I feel about you.. Undertaking a mission in which I will no doubt perish, and in return bidding me a final farewell with a wave and a smile, is the true meaning of my love for you, so please… Please, on that one day, be strong for me, love me as I will love you, Gudako..”

I hold her close, burying my face as deep into her hair as possible without waking her, squeeze tight enough that I hold her securely but not tight enough to make her uncomfortable. I speak one final time before closing my eyes, blinking away tears that had begun to form in my eyes. 

**“I love you, Master.”**

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Fate-verse fic, please be gentle
> 
> I've always loved Jing Ke, she's one of my favorite early game assassins and in terms of "just want them to be happy" she's not far behind my top spot, Mata Hari. So why I chose to hurt her in this way I'll never know. She's a really solitary character who I imagine to have this incredibly pure view of what true love is, and she only knows one way how to show it, but I still love her nevertheless.


End file.
